SPLITTING TWINS
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AT PRE-SCHOOL
I’d always thought that it would be a good idea to separate my twins at pre-school, the reason being that they are such a close unit. I felt they would not make friends together and also I wanted them to be treated as individuals not “The Twins”. Both pre-schools which I approached though, felt it would be better to start them together, which I did.
One term later they were separated - sending them together was not a great success. They were indeed a handful and stuck together like glue, causing a number of problems. The following term and attending on different days saw both of them settle down. There was no fuss about going on different days, they accepted it readily and I really enjoyed the time spent with each child on their own. They have both made their own friends and are described by the staff as being completely different children on their own. All the problems which occurred when they went together have now all but disappeared.
In order that they increase their session time at pre-school without overlapping, they do go to two pre-schools, attending two sessions at each one and that has presented no problems either, except that each morning I have to look at a chart on the wall to see who is going where!
To any twin parent considering separating their children at pre-school, in my experience it has worked extremely well. It gives the children a few hours of independence each week and gives the parent a chance to spend some quality time with each child alone.
AT SCHOOL
I have 5½ year old twins, Sally and Jane, who started school in September, as well as Samantha, who is nearly 9. I think we always wanted to separate Sally and Jane at school, probably for similar reasons as to why we have tried to dress them differently. Talks at the Twins Club, an article in the newsletter, and speaking to people with older twins made me more determined. Also, of those I spoke to who had kept their twins together there were mixed responses, some had been very happy, others had had problems when the children were older and they wished they had separated them earlier. However, I have yet to speak to anybody who separated their twins right at the start and regretted it.
Luckily we live in the catchment of Buttsbury School which is big enough to enable Sally and Jane to be put in separate classes, so we wrote a letter to the school requesting this. The term before they were due to start, letters came telling us which classes they would be in. A meeting would be held in July, Sally needed to go in the morning and Jane in the afternoon. The date was a problem. Jane had an appointment with the Speech Therapist at 1:30 pm, she was due at the school at 2:00 pm, it was Samantha’s Open Afternoon at the Junior School and the daughter of a French friend was meant to be staying with us that week. Help! Jane then cried and said she wanted to be in the same class as Sally. Were we doing the right thing?
We eventually resolved everything and Sally and Jane were looking forward to starting school with their own teachers. Things appeared to go quite well. Sally didn’t say much but seemed happy. Jane, who is much more excitable anyway, was full of enthusiasm about her class. She kept saying that school was wonderful. Sally then decided that Jane’s class must be much more fun than hers and so wanted to be in it. Luckily this didn’t last long and they each started to make their own friends. At one time Jane said she had nobody to play with in the playground, she said that Sally wouldn’t play with her. Sally’s response was that she played with Jane at home so she didn’t need to play with her at school as well! However, on speaking to Jane’s teacher it appeared that she was playing well with others and she didn’t mention it again.
They have constantly been invited to parties and, apart from friends from pre-school days, this had meant going by themselves. They’ve taken this happily in their stride, it helped having an older child who already went to parties “by herself”. A number of other children were not aware initially that there was a twin in another class, particularly as they look nothing like each other. They have such different personalities that it is hard not to compare them (we do this ourselves although we know we shouldn’t). Therefore, we are pleased that they have an opportunity to develop without comparisons at school. They are on different reading levels and have different skills.
Although it is still early days, so far we are delighted with our decision to separate Sally & Jane. They now show no desire to be in the same class and seem to enjoy telling each other about what happens in their own classes. They are making their own friends and becoming more independent, but they still have each other at home and in the playground (they do play together sometimes!). I hope it carries on working out as well.
